Comments on: Who Should Pay On A First Date?

By: Clara

Clara — Thu, 18 Jan 2018 13:12:47 +0000

In reply to Katie. The way your gentleman did, I found it absitive adorable to my little checken heart. I mean They don't owe us anything. They pay for us we needed to thank them appreciate what they did. But when there's a trouble, fix them as a team is kind of endearing to me too. I mean He paid for both of you for 1000 times, that's his thing, give him what we owe him ladies, that is the nicest way to be a teammate. Love youe sharing at the top level:)

By: jj

jj — Thu, 17 Aug 2017 21:15:18 +0000

In reply to Misha T. Sinclair.

it’s so unromantic when a guy wants to go dutch.

I was brought up not to take advantage of people, so I avoid expensive places for first date, that way he won’t spend too much on me. Exception would be if he really insists, which means he can afford it, but I always give other options, in case we don’t like eachother.

I’m a softie romantic, looking for a quality guy, and I’m not into games.

If a guy has money problems, or just doesn’t make that much money, I prefer him to take me for coffee and pastry, or do some inexpensive activity together like a walk in the park.

I see a guy as unkind, bitter, insecure, or less of a guy in some way, if he’s not even willing to buy a nice lady a coffee. I get disappointed, and after spending all that time like most girls do preparing for our date, to meet someone with an incompatible personality.

By: jj

jj — Thu, 17 Aug 2017 20:59:30 +0000

In reply to Katie. because he was brought up with traditional values, to be the gentleman or man in the relationship. Everyone in my family is like that.

By: Nicci

Nicci — Wed, 02 Apr 2014 13:04:53 +0000

In reply to Misha T. Sinclair.

I went out on a coffee date with a guy where we clicked and connected . When the bill came I reached for my purse and the guy suggested we go dutch . I walked away feeling so let down and disappointed . Needless to say he wants to see me again . If a man cant treat me to a coffee and a shared piece of cake on a first date then I have to question if he’ll be stingy with me in other areas of his life . Maybe I’m old fashioned ? I don’t know – but I still believe that if a man likes a girl he must make some effort on his part and that includes paying on a first date .

Think you amazing Matthew !
Thanks for all your advise and videos xx

By: Kate

Kate — Tue, 23 Jul 2013 05:59:24 +0000

Complex relationship issue warning: My boyfriend and I live together. We’ve been dating for about two years now. I am a lot younger than he is and am working on getting my business going so that I can support us and provide a good life for our family one day. I started this business while I was finishing up at university.
This has been such a tough point for us- like I mentioned, I live with him, but I don’t pay rent. I buy us a lot of groceries, cook us food, make him food, do as much around the place as I can (time is a little limited!) and try to make our home comfortable, which is tricky because… well, he isn’t used to cleaning up. Anyway. I hope that what I am doing is making the situation “fair”. He owns his place, but has a mortgage.
I remember our first date- he paid, but I definitely offered, even taking money out. I paid for the second one and for quite a few more (or so it sounds, according to your recommendations!). Most other dates up until recently, though, he has paid, and I usually pay the tip (Which is a lot because he likes to order a ton.). He told me that this was never the case with his exes and that they would always pay for their share. But I really want to save up for my business- I can go out when I actually have a comfortable amount of money to spend. So, I reworked my budget and I can spend some money each week on going out, including with friends. But I usually can’t do this because it isn’t a lot and there wouldn’t be anything left to go out with him, or very little. So I have just been going out with him and will suggest that whichever friend I want to visit with and I take a walk.
He eats out a lot. Way less now, that I am cooking for us so much, and when we go out, I still pay the tip or I will just pay for myself. He isn’t insisting on paying. I don’t have the same expenses as him, but I also don’t have the same income. And I don’t even want to go out and get anything fancy- I am happy if we cook at home. I really want to focus on longterm goals.
Am I being unfair?

By: Katie

Katie — Sun, 21 Jul 2013 13:51:03 +0000

Hi Matt,
not long ago, I dated one guy, who wanted to pay for everything. I have always offered to pay, because it made me feel better (I can take care of myself), but it was usually him paying. One day, he didn’t have money with him and when it came to pay I offered to pay. He agreed, BUT I had to give the money to him and he paid to the waitres. I think that was the moment when I realized he doesn’t care that much if he looks like a man in front of me, but he has to be a man in front of everyone else.
Sometimes this story made me smile, sometimes it is one of the reasons I’m glad we are not together anymore. I understand man want to be a MAN, but I do not understand why should he be ashamed if I pay.

By: Misha T. Sinclair

Misha T. Sinclair — Fri, 22 Jul 2011 01:46:05 +0000

I think for a first date the man should pay. Perhaps that’s a bit old fashioned but I think it should be this way. Call it silly but when he pays I feel protected and taken care of. In that simple gesture it shows that he values me, wishes to make me comfortable and put some effort in to wooing me.
When a man expects us to go ‘Dutch’ on a first date that indicates to me unless conveyed otherwise that he does not value me, he’s still on the fence as to what he feels for me or expects this to be a sexual relationship only. It may be possible that none of these assumptions are fact but at the moment he says or implies, ‘Dutch’ my thought process concerning a relationship with him, whether it be long or short term is immediately reevaluated .

One last note; A woman should never take advantage of a man paying for the first date by ordering something very expensive on the menu to test his limits and she should also be willing to treat him to a fine meal to show that she also values him.

Misha!

By: Oana

Oana — Tue, 12 Jul 2011 15:23:40 +0000

Dude, You rock !

By: Priscilla

Priscilla — Fri, 08 Jul 2011 17:22:32 +0000

Thanks for the video! Guess i’m doing something right in my relationship :). My boyfriend offers to pay for everything and love’s bringing me out. I had to get used to it, cuzz i seemed like he was spending alot of money on me..but he explained that it gives him a good feeling inside when he can make others happy by spending money on them. In return i dont go to expensive places and sometimes just offer to come over to my place where i can treat him. Or everytime i see him, i can bring him little treats i kno he likes :D. I love him very much and respect/ appreciate that he is old fashioned in that way :P.

By: kat

kat — Mon, 04 Jul 2011 22:03:12 +0000

Matthew,

Thank you for clearing this issue for me. I have to say I always let the guy pay but always wondered whether I should go halves at certain time or pay for him in return. I think your approach make sense and I will definitely try that next time I’m on a date.

I do have a question about attracting guys to approach me. After you mentioned about being friendly and approachable with smiles and giving eye contact to guys you like at your seminar, I tried that in tube station, on the tube, escalators, walking down the street… but I have not had any success at all. Any advice you could give me? Maybe I missed something…