I don’t usually talk publicly about my weaker moments.
When you work in the self-help industry, everyone expects you to talk about the positive things in life: success, money, happiness, popularity, beauty, love… Well, I don’t know about you, but my life certainly isn’t always sunshine and rainbows.
No-one talks about feeling alone and loneliness enough. Everyone talks about success, money, popularity, beauty, fun…
But what about those moments when we go back to our bedroom, close the door, and feel like no-one in the world understands the struggle we’re going through. We have so much fear of revealing our naked, scared, suffering selves at times that we feel like it’s not valid to talk about our feelings of being alone.
Well, not today.
This may be one of the most personal videos I’ve ever done, but it’s also one of the most important…
Whatever you’re going through right now, I want you to know that someone is listening.
Please leave a comment on the video and share your thoughts with others so that they know someone else is going through the same as them.
This is a wonderful video and heartfelt. I have listened to you for about a year now and you always sound sincere. One thing to mention though, is that you can feel lonelier in a relationship than if you were by yourself. I Dont feel lonely when I am alone. We all have the power and ability to make things happen. When we see in a relationship, you hope the other person sees things the same way and when they dont it can leave you feeling alone. I have experienced that. I hope your video reaches all of the people that think they are alone……they are not.
Michael Fiore had interviewed you and he cut you off throughout the interview. I wanted him to shut up so I can hear what you had to say. I always enjoy your heartfelt messages. You are professional and he is self-absorbed.
BT
It was interesting to receive this video today. After spending a busy working week surrounded by people. Friday night having a dinner party with close friends and Saturday night out clubbing and getting lots of attention from guys. It felt odd today to wake up and feel lonely? I took comfort in my favourite film, ps I love you and one of the best quotes from it…
‘if we are are all alone then we are altogether in that’. Alone or not you’ve gotta walk ahead’ which I know I will and I’m sure tomorrow I will once again bounce back and feel social-able again. I think it’s important though to recognise these feelings when you have them and understand that other people can and will feel this way at some point too. Thanks for the video Matt, good subject and appropriate timing!!
Take care X
being transgender is not easy. i always thought it would be a good idea to listen to matthew to help me with my love life…robyn
Matthee,
I very much appreciated this raw and authentic video. It was good that you went with your intuition on this. Your brilliant in bringing up things we might already know but you have a clear way of shedding light on subjects that make it have more sense or an aha moment. And you offer a way to do something about it. I love that.
I think I have always felt lonely And I really don’t mean it in a way that I am desperate or depressed. But rather, it feels like a state that has always been there. I am generally a very optimistic and positive person, but that feeling of lonliness always seems to be an undercurrent in my life. I think differently than my family, always have, and even with friends that has been the case too. But on the outside I don’t appear too crazy but just enough that people will say to me that they think I am different. What this has made me realize is that in the past I have not chosen for the life I really wanted. Now at 51 I am doing that and have found more like minded people. Have gotten out of a bad marriage where I felt even more lonely then than I do now living alone.
So, thank you for bringing this topic up and helping to dispel the myth of lonliness.
Ah Matthew, so true and so vulnerable. We spend our nights stewing and days renewing. Strive to do more, yet be content in our present moment. To be relatable yet unattainable. Satisfied solo yet unapologetically a loving spirit. You are not alone on this. You are not alone.
You were in no way rambling, Matthew. You are loving, bold, courageous and honest and I appreciate you. God bless.
I am spending the weekend in Las Vegas with friends and although we have tons of events planned and I’m having fun, I feel lonely knowing I have this big suite and no one to spend time with me, in it. It’s sobering but I know the loneliness is temporary because I am filled with loving and kind people .. Thanks Matthew for sharing.
Thank you so much!I’ve never really been “alone” so to speak, but lonely… Most definitely. I was with a man for 14 years and had never felt so lonely in my life. I experienced this one again in my on & off again relationship over the last three years. We are both in recovery… Him much longer than me, and I kept slipping. The pain I’ve caused in him has driven him to resentment and having to put his love for me in the backseat bc of fear. We’ve broken up, which has broken my heart, yet we are very close still. I have brought myself back to sobriety, 7 1/2 months now, and although we may be sitting right next to each other… I feel as if he’s a thousand miles away. I could be in a room of a hundred people and still feel lonely. It’s as you said, I feel as if no one understands what I feel or they’ll pity me for feeling that way so I don’t express it. But the worst it’s ever been is with my current ex bc he is truly the love of my life. We know we both have feelings for each other… I’ve hurt him through my drinking and he hurt me by sneaking around while we were working on things last year. He slept with another woman and was “emotionally cheating” on me with a much younger female on Facebook that lived hundreds of miles away… While I was sitting right next to him at times. That made me feel the loneliest. I know I’m not alone now. You’re humility is beautiful. Thank you again
We always associate loneliness with The Darkness, but why can’t loneliness be The Light? Then we wouldn’t fear it so much. Loneliness is a gift of time and feelings that allow us to truly fall in love with ourselves.
Thank u Matthew – YOU r The Light.
XO Nancy
Matthew, your authenticity is incredible, thank you so much for sharing your perspective on this. As always, hugely useful :)
I currently feel like I’m the only one that doesn’t wanna drink in a society that drinks… And I wanna find new friends to support my new way of being. It’s not easy. But if anyone else is going through something similar, or feels different than most people, know that you are not alone, and I’m sending you a virtual hug right now :)
Beautifully said. Well done Matthew. I have a friend who says seeing everyone’s “perfect” lives on Facebook makes her feel more insecure. We are all vulnerable and human. Thanks for showing us the softer side of you.
We “need” all these ways to connect because people are not really connecting on these sites.
Your mission to make people feel less lonely is very much completed every time matthew.
Here’s what makes me feel lonely.
I have a very difficult time dealing with physical intimacy in a sexual relation. It can be everything from cuddling in bed with a person I have feelings for, to kissing someone I found attractive a second before it happened.
Then I start to feel like I’m watching everything happening from the outside, and I can’t be in myself or in the moment. I feel nothing, and I’m certanly not turned on. Then I stop whatever is happening very abruptly and after I get a late emotional reaction where I start crying hard. This can happen a few minutes later, or maybe wait as far as a week.
I’m a virgin and this pattern prevents me from exploring my sexuality and sharing intimacy with others.
I don’t know where this reaction comes from, and it feels like I’m the only one who acts like this, which makes me feel very lonely.
I guess that’s something to work on.
Where are the guy’s comments.
Love what you said about “personal PR” persona.
I enjoyed the video thanks Matthew, I feel lonely right now BC I’ve been dating this guy for a month now and recently found out that he has a 5 year old daughter, and is only separated from his wife, not divorced. If I would have known that before we started dating I would have never given him the time of day, but now I have feelings involved and I just don’t know what to do. Should I continue seeing him or cut ties with this man? I have no idea. Thanks again.
Hi Matthew,
I often watch your videos and I appreciate this one. While I think Jamison was probably right about the editing, I also really am happy with your decision to put out a non-edited video. It helped me to hear from someone I expect to have so much attention admit that he’s also lonely sometimes. That’s huge. So thank you.
I hope to see more videos where you feel free to share honestly about the not-so-bright, and possibly even beyond the “I am lonely too.” I also appreciate your critique of the “self-help” industry.
Thanks for making this video and for letting us know it’s okay to feel lonely. You are a very special person in my life and I want to thank you from the bottom of my heart for all your hard work and for being a beautiful and inspirational person. You inspire me to be the best I can be and Aaron’s just told me how he feels lonely sometimes and I was able to share my dreams, hopes and fears with him too and he did the same.
Thank you so much for this!! I’ve recently been feeling lonely because I’ve lost a significant other and now losing friends as I am about to graduate highschool. My family seems more distant to me and I’ve been going through each day lonely and isolated, clinging onto any person I come across who makes me feel unlonely, but then once they’re gone it’s back to being lonely. And yes like you said I see all these people on social media looking happy and not lonely when in reality they’re probably the most lonely needing to fill that through social media. It’s just good and refreshing to know that though I might be lonely in my circle, I’m not lonely at all in the end. thank you so much Matt for all your videos!!!
Dear Matthew,
A single video, a moment long created empathy and understanding. I once read that the loneliest thing in the world is being surrounded by the wrong people. I have felt like that several times in my life. Alone among others. Having a social life does not necessarily mean having that unique connection and understanding that most of us desire.
Thank you Matt! This video came at the perfect time. I’ve been conflicted over whether to try building a relationship with a man I met a couple of months again. We get along great but there is one issue regarding how we view relationships that we differ on. We spent some time together last night and it felt good but this morning I feel sad and extremely lonely because of this issue. Even though I’m feeling this way, I refuse to let loneliness make me compromise my self respect. So once again thank you for this video.