I hear ya girl. Things get very limited in your thirties, and dry up in your fourties. Men however get to stay eligible for dating marriage and/or children to a ripe old age! I wish i got dating active and smarter about men at a much younger age.

Meant to say “I’d say this is a rather different tune*”

Thank you so much again for this.

I like your “prosperity bouquets” Lisa!

Totally! Couldn’t have said it better myself

I can empathise with how you feel. I lookback with longing sometimes at the guys I meet at 18 and 20 that I let go when I didn’t realise what I had. HOwever I probably wouldn’t have become who I am today and learnt as much about myself. And I might have wished Id waited until I was older.

We do what we think is right at the time. Beating myself up over it only creates sadness that keeps me from moving forward and making the best of my life. Im discovering the plethora of men in their 40s and early 50s who appreciate someone that didn’t settle early and only want to date someone with a varied history and more mature outlook.

I would tell my younger self to strike while the iron is hot. Find that young man who is decently attractive in mind, body & soul and make a home with him. Look for a very kind man with a backbone and prioritize marriage and children because a company – even a great one – will not love you back. It will use you, chew up your best years with stress, spit you out with a declining 401K. Sounds bitter, right? Cynical but presciently true.

Dating is a numbers game when time and opportunity are scarce. Such a situation is acutely felt by women over 40, especially if overweight. Therefore save young women grief by honestly impressing upon them the urgent need to find a mate while they are still deemed desirable by a sizable segment of the male population. This is not cynicism or pessimism – it is benevolent pragmatism! Please avoid the pain of being alone, old and unwanted. This is coming from someone who is a more introverted loner – I can’t imagine how it must feel for extroverted women who have always wanted kids.

Not true for ALL of us. As a black female over 40 I can’t get a date on a website or app to save my life unless it’s with someone I would never want to date. I guess it’s the men that are convinced they have better options when they see my profile. I’m focused more on doing the things I like, but they rarely put me in contact with other single, eligible men to date. These days it takes a LOT of creativity.