Fast forward he started talking about marriage and wedding and cost of items and stuff like that. He would talk about how many kids he wanted an all that. He even asked when I wanted to get married and I replied 2018. he said OK. We started looking at lands and property for him since I was an architect and would provide the necessary advice. Because of his energy of interest in marriage I asked him when he wanted to start counseling since we were both Christians, he said he was not in the mood to talk. I asked him the next week and he still shut the conversation down. I was beginning to sense something. He apologized a month later that he was afraid of weddings. I told him we could do something small, a quiet garden wedding of some sorts. he did not acknowledge so I stopped talking about marriage and weddings to put him at ease.. I realized he started pulling away. he would hardly call or text and when I do so he was either busy at work or with a program. I realized I was the one doing all the calls texts and visitation. I moved to another part of town and its been 3 months he never came to see where I lived with my family.Prior to that I told him I want to talk to him about something bothering me and he replied that he would make time to talk when he was free. its three weeks now. I visited him again and he was not welcoming. he avoid the hugs and kisses I wanted to give him. I told him when he was free he should call me to talk and left his place.

I called the friend who introduced us and told her everything. She called him just to make friendly talk and anytime she brought me up in the convo he avoided talking about me. She asked him if he had introduced me to his mum and he replied no, not yet. Rori, I couldnt believe this because I have screen shots of messages he sent to me about his mum wanting to meet me. Truth be told anytime I want to chat with his mum but he always he replied not yet, soon. I knew something was up but I did not know he had not told his family about me the whole year we were dating. I feel like I have been living in a lie bubble. What hurt me the most was our mutual friend told me he was at my dad’s funeral the previous year, we had not met by then, and was friends with my step sister but he failed to mention it even though its been 2 years already. I am not sure if he wanted to date her and it didnt work out or something. But I think he should have told me he knew my step sister.

I was shocked at all this revelations of him keeping stuff from me. I found his mum’s number on social media and am tempted to call and make enquiries about her son. I called him again to ask for a sit down but I got the same reply, when he was free he will let us meet. I have decided not to call him for a few weeks to see if things will turn around. If not, I go my way… the sad thing is my family think we are settling down this year.

I really need help on my next move

Sorry for pouring out my heart in this long letter.

fafa

However, we both made one huge mistake. While we didn’t immediately act upon our feelings, we didn’t have this conversation when we should have. He didn’t want to mess up a good thing & I was too afraid to hear the answer. After seeing he was still active on the dating site we met through, it became very clear we needed to have this conversation immediately. We both agreed in person was best, so we met at my house.

During our talk, we both agreed that we should have had this conversation many months ago. It was revealed that he is not sure what he wants or if he’s even ready for a relationship after his recent divorce & I now know where he is emotionally & I understand why. He now knows that when physical intimacy is involved, I expect to be in an exclusive relationship, & he says he understands & can respect that. Sex was absolutely taken off the table.

While it’s more of a challenge for me to adjust emotionally to this information, for now, I’m ok with the decision we made to continue to see each other. I don’t know where this will lead, but the fact that he really isn’t going to be “getting anything” from me any longer, the communication level has not changed, & he still wants to see me (and has) is hopefully a positive sign. In my experience, removing physical intimacy would be an absolute deal breaker for many, if not most, men.

I don’t know if I’m making the right decision by continuing to see him under these circumstances, but he is not a player & I trust he is & will tell me the truth. With that said, I took a line from another video of Matthew’s & told him I hope I’m still around when he is able/does make a decision to be in a relationship. In the mean time, I’m taking tips from other videos available to improve my dating skills to find what I am looking for.

His response completely threw me for a loop & I’m still not sure how to wrap my head around this one….